Back Home

Well, I’ve been home now a total of 6 weeks. That’s the longest I’ve been away from my site since I first got there, and it’s starting to finally sink in that I’m not going back. I mean, I knew I wasn’t going back. I was incredibly excited about going home, seeing friends and family, living the good life again. And that was all a great distraction while it still felt like just a visit. But it’s real. I’m not going back, and it’s hard to admit.

Leaving Ukraine was impossibly hard, emotionally and physically. There was all the stuff I had to do administratively to finish my Peace Corps service, involving multiple trips to Kiev; an awesome 16 hour roundtrip goodbye visit to a friend who’s boldly extending her service for another year who lives in the middle of nowhere; a disastrous bike ride with my sitemate over 115 miles to the Azov Sea to celebrate a friend’s birthday; the first surprise party anybody has ever thrown me with incredibly dear friends, Ukrainian and American alike; getting a new site ready for their first volunteer and their first Peace Corps summer camp (they don’t know what’s about to hit ‘em); and moving out. Ohhhh, moving out of my little Soviet apartment. It never fails. Every time I move it’s like I’ve dug a nest out of quicksand. Something about every living situation just refuses to let me go without a fight. Thankfully I had Katelyn with me to pull me through it and make it as fun as it could be. And it was all so sad.

Ukraine really became home. The people I came to know became family. The lifestyle, as frustrating and difficult as it was, became habit. The work finally, finally, became rewarding and lucrative. Though I knew it was time and I needed to go home, I didn’t choose to go home. Peace Corps chose by signing me up for a 27 month contract and not a day more. The goodbyes in Ukraine were so much more difficult than in America. My friends and I would joke that it was like I was dying. None of them were leaving. They each still have at least 6 more months of what I love left. By leaving Ukraine I left their world. And it really felt like I was dying. I guess I always knew I was coming back to America; Ukraine is not so certain.

Since I’ve been home it’s been a whirlwind of seeing friends and family, eating all the foods I’ve missed, and doing all the things I couldn’t while I was in Ukraine. I’ve slowly adjusted to being back in America, but the transition has been harder than I expected. In order to really survive in Ukraine I had to sell myself out to the culture and lifestyle.

I never realized how different that was from my life in America and how much I changed. The changes weren’t huge but very subtle, and continue to catch me off guard. For example, I never thought I would look at my American lifestyle as being luxurious. And in comparison to others in America, it’s very standard, not poor of course, but hardly luxurious. But the fact that my family has a dishwasher that they regularly use puts them somewhere near the crème de la crème of Ukrainian society. Living in Ukraine for 2 years got me used to not having a dishwasher. The complete absence of a dishwasher leveled the playing field for other things to rise to the top as luxurious. So at home, the things I took for granted before seem over the top now.

There’ve been other things about being home that have surprised me in similar ways, but slowly I’m getting more used to being American again. I’m getting comfortable driving again and my head has finally stopped jerking around when I hear someone speaking English in the background.

I can’t get too used to it though. In a few weeks I will head off again, this time to Italy. I’ve been accepted to Johns Hopkins University School of Advanced International Studies. Thanks to my experience in Peace Corps I was able to get into my dream program for International Relations. They admitted me to their Bologna program so I will spend my first year in Bologna and my second in D.C. After that we’ll see where I end up. I’d like to work for an international development agency and manage projects and funds, particularly in Eurasia and Russia. So the mission continues. Never thought it’d take me this far.

Description of Service (aka what i did for 2 years)

Hey all, thought y'all might be interested in this. Below is the official description of my Peace Corps service on file at headquarters. This is the only official written documentation that tells my story. Happy reading!

Description of Peace Corps Service

Benjamin Robbins
Ukraine
(April 2009 – June 2011)

After a competitive application process emphasizing professional skills, motivation, adaptability, cross-cultural understanding and medical fitness, Peace Corps invited Mr. Benjamin Robbins to serve as a Youth Development Volunteer in Ukraine.

Pre-service training
On April 1st, 2009, Mr. Robbins joined the 36th group of Peace Corps Volunteers to serve in Ukraine. He entered an intensive 11-week community-based training program. The training program included 200 hours of Russian language training, 80 hours of technical training on youth policy and youth development in Ukraine, including eight weeks of classroom teaching and summer youth camp practice, 60 hours of cross-cultural studies (history, economy, cultural norms). To reinforce language and cross-cultural learning, Mr. Robbins lived with a Ukrainian family in Baryshivka in Kyiv Region throughout training.

In preparation for his Peace Corps service, Mr. Robbins, while a trainee, taught at Baryshivka School No. 2. While at Baryshivka School No. 2, Mr. Robbins taught Healthy Lifestyles and organized extracurricular activities such as an English club, summer day camp, and a sports day.

Assignment
The U.S. Embassy Chargé d’Affaires, a. i., James D. Pettit swore in Mr. Robbins as a Peace Corps Volunteer on June 18th, 2009 in Kyiv, Ukraine.
Mr. Robbins was assigned to Novodmitrovka, Donetska oblast, a village of 300 Ukrainian and Russian speakers in southeastern Ukraine. He worked as a teacher of the focus areas of the Youth Development project at Novodmitrovka Educational Complex, which has a student body of 400 students in grades 1-11 and 30 teachers. As Mr. Robbins arrived at site before the school year began, Mr. Robbins attended a summer camp in Svyatagorsk, Donetska Oblast, of 300 area students ages 4 – 17. There he taught sports and worked as a counselor in the upbringing and supervision of the campers. He also organized and participated in evening activities through which he showed American traditions and culture.

Beginning on September 1, 2009 at Novodmitrovka Educational Complex (NEC), under the supervision of the Ministry of Youth Family and Sports, Mr. Robbins began several projects to address areas of students’ education and upbringing that were lacking or unavailable in coordination with the Assistant Director of Extracurricular Activities, Nadezhda Kodenkova. His primary weekly tasks were a 1 hour English club, 3 hours of sports clubs, 3 hours of weight lifting clubs, 17 hours of team English teaching, and playing games with younger students during class breaks. The English club provided the opportunity for students whose lessons ended early to receive extra practice with basic English from a native English speaker. During sports clubs, Mr. Robbins taught students American sports as a way to learn about American culture, provide fun and interesting ways for students to be active, and develop coordination skills through sports students had yet to experience. The weight lifting club provided an opportunity to utilize the rarely used weight room in the basement of the school, allowed older students to exercise, and provided opportunities for Mr. Robbins to act as a role model for older students. Through team teaching during English lessons, he was able to develop activities for youth development topics covered in the curriculum such as healthy lifestyles, country studies, leadership, professions, etc. He was able to incorporate multimedia and communicative methods into these lessons which were adopted by the English teachers.

Mr. Robbins also planned and participated in several multicultural exchanges. Through his mother’s 3rd grade class in America he was able to establish multiple correspondence exchanges with students from NEC. He was able to exchange valentines between his mother’s class and the students of NEC by mail. After his mother’s visit to Ukraine she held a Ukraine Day for her class during which they cooked traditional Ukrainian foods and learned about Ukrainian culture. A similar holiday was held for her class near Easter for which Mr. Robbins sent painted eggs from Ukraine for the students. He also participated in several video chat sessions with American students to describe Ukrainian culture. He baked American cookies to be sold at a school bake sale and gave the proceeds to the school. At a ceremony, Mr. Robbins was inducted into the Brotherhood of Cossacks. He gave a speech at a local meeting on Victory Day to stress solidarity between America and Ukraine with the victory of World War II.

Mr. Robbins invited a teacher to attend a PEPFAR HIV/AIDS Awareness training in Kiev and planned a large project to be funded by a grant which would educate the students and teachers of NEC about HIV/AIDS prevention and train a group of students to teach these topics to smaller village schools, though this project was not implemented. Next, Mr. Robbins planned a leadership course for students during the first two weeks of summer after school ended on May 31. This project was more successful as he taught two 1 hour lessons for 5 days with another volunteer, Mattison Brady. Mr. Robbins also participated in the summer day camp at NEC for younger students for 5 days and played games with the children.

Throughout the summer and fall of 2010 Mr. Robbins worked with Nadezhda Kodenkova on writing a SPA grant to receive equipment and support for trainings for a journalism club at NEC. This project turned out to be a large success as NEC now has an active group of 15 students who participate in the publishing of the school newspaper “Smile of Fortune” using the computer and printer bought with grant funds. This paper is the only one of its kind in the region and one of three in the oblast. This project has proven itself to be sustainable once Mr. Robbins leaves.

Despite the setbacks in his daily activities, Mr. Robbins was able to maintain his American sports club and assistance at English lessons. In addition he began helping with P.E. lessons. There he was able to teach American sports in a more formal setting, as well as train the P.E. teachers on methods and techniques for coaching American sports. Mr. Robbins assisted one P.E. teacher to film two such lessons, one on American football and another on ultimate Frisbee, to be submitted to an oblast competition.

Mr. Robbins also planned an Anti-smoking Day in coordination with International Non-smoking day. He planned demonstrations, a poster contest, and a short speech. The poster contest was marginally successful with 4 entries but the speech and demonstrations were cancelled due to a last minute lack of support from Nadeshda Kodenkova despite earlier promises of time and resources.

Besides his daily activities at NEC, Mr. Robbins conducted several secondary projects in the community in which he lived, Konstantinovka, a town of 70,000 residents. Through the help of a local newspaper reporter, Vladimir Berezin, Mr. Robbins organized a community English club at a local history museum which was active for the duration of his service. Topics for the English club initially centered around a memoir written in English by a former citizen of Konstantinovka who was imprisoned in Nazi work camps during WWII. This served to raise awareness of a neglected part of those who suffered during WWII, eastern Europeans, leading to a permanent exhibit on the subject at the museum. Later, with the help of an English teacher from a nearby agricultural technical school, Inna Ilyina, topics for the club centered around leadership and communication. The club saw an average attendance of 10 participants from various schools throughout Konstantinovka who were typically 16 – 17 years old, though occasionally older and younger people participated.

Mr. Robbins also taught youth development topics at other schools at the invitation of different English teachers. At Konstantinovka School 13 he was able to teach healthy lifestyles topics 2 days a week to 6 classes for 2 months until the NEC director expressed resentment at his working with another school. Later, he was able to teach leadership and communication lessons at Konstantinovka Agricultural Technical School for 1.5 hours a week with his contact Inna Ilyina for 6 months. The students and teachers were very receptive of these lessons, leading the technical school to apply for a Peace Corps volunteer of their own. All resources used for the lessons were given to Inna so that she would be able to conduct similar lessons in the future.

During the summer of 2010, Mr. Robbins worked at a volunteer planned English summer camp for 200 Ukrainian students named Camp LEAD. For 5 days he taught leadership and project design and management lessons to a class of 30 students ages 13 – 16 years old in the city of Krivoy Rog. His other responsibilities included supervising and playing games with students.

Mr. Robbins also served on the director’s committee for the HIV/AIDS awareness and prevention focused Camp HEAL in September, 2010. The camp was located in Gorlovka, Donetska oblast, and hosted 50 university level students for 3 days. He was responsible for planning activities such as team building and leadership development games and general entertainment such as evening discos and warm up games. He also contributed to the general planning and development for the camp as well as taught lessons during the camp. He made recommendations and advised the future camp directors in order to continue the camp’s success.

Mr. Robbins was very active in one of Peace Corps Ukraine’s working groups, the Healthy Lifestyles Working Group. The purpose of the group is to develop materials and activities which promote and support volunteer and Ukrainian nationals’ health. He helped plan excursions and events such as an ultimate Frisbee weekend to provide volunteers with opportunities to exercise. He developed materials and activities such as those used for his Anti Smoking Day. He used materials gathered by the working group in his lessons at English Club as well as School 13 and the Agricultural Technicum. Mr. Robbins’ biggest contribution to the working group was site development for the working group summer camp, Camp SLAM (Strengthening Lifestyles and Minds). For several years the working group had been attempting to hold a healthy lifestyles based summer camp for Ukrainian students, but was unsuccessful as a potential site could not be identified. Through his contact, Inna Ilyin, Mr. Robbins was able to identify Konstantinovka Agricultural Technicum as a potential location for Camp SLAM, a 5 day summer camp focused on healthy lifestyles and leadership for 100 Ukrainian students. After several meetings with the administration and planning with the working group, the technicum agreed to host the summer camp at reasonable rates and was very welcoming of working with Peace Corps volunteers. Mr. Robbins then assisted in writing a Partnership Grant to fund the camp and in planning the specific details of the camp. At Inna Ilyin’s invitation, he began leadership trainings for a group of students from the technicum who wanted to serve at the camp in a leadership capacity. As the camp was scheduled to take place in July, Mr. Robbins was unable to attend and see the final results of this work.

Mr. Robbins worked hard to learn Russian as any of his work outside of the English classroom was conducted in Russian. He attended tutoring 1-2 times a week and attended an in-service language refresher provided by Peace Corps in January 2010. At the end of his service he achieved Intermediate High on the Language Proficiency Interview.

Following Ukraine's Declaration of Independence in 1991 and its decision to become an independent democratic country, a bilateral agreement was signed by US and Ukrainian Presidents to establish a U.S. Peace Corps Program in Ukraine in 1992. Since then, US Peace Corps Volunteers have been serving in Ukraine in the areas of business development, education, environmental protection, youth development, and community development. Mr. Robbins work as a Youth Development Volunteer, as well as his role as a representative of the people, culture, values and traditions of the United States of America, was part of a nation-wide development effort in Ukraine.

Coming to Terms

Well, it’s been awhile, again. But honestly, I’ve been here long enough that most things seem so routine that they’re not worth blogging about. I figure you’d like to at least know what I’ve been up to, so here’s a quick rundown of the past couple months.

I spent my birthday in the Carpathian Mountains in western Ukraine with my training group at our Close of Service Conference. Basically Peace Corps treated us like kings and put us up in a resort and fed us awesome food and let us chill for a few days. Then I met up with some friends in the Healthy Lifestyles Working Group and we went skiing for a couple days. It was a sweet trip.

As far as I can remember, March was pretty quiet, until Mom came the first week of April. I took her and Tia, her chaperone, down to Yalta in Crimea. Except for the dreary weather, it was a great trip. I didn’t realize all the history hidden down in Crimea. Took Mom and Tia back to my site for literally a few hours and drug her through school, English club, and a dinner with some Ukrainian friends before sending them off to their own adventures in Amsterdam. Ask them about that. It’ll make you giggle.

Mattison (my sitemate) and I hosted another ultimate Frisbee weekend which was a resounding success. Then I spent Easter camping in the woods of Svyatagorsk and spent most of the night before Easter standing outside a monastery and hiking a mountain. Since then it’s been bike rides, Spring weather, numerous holidays, picnics, and dachas (Ukrainian summer houses/gardens).

Workwise, I’ve been working on a pretty large summer camp at a secondary site focused on Healthy Lifestyles. It’ll be in July so I won’t get to see the fruits of my labor, but we’ve got the whole Healthy Lifestyles Working Group working on it so I have no doubt it will be successful. That secondary site, an agricultural technical school, is pretty awesome so I convinced them to apply for a volunteer and they should be getting one this June.

I think I mentioned earlier that I wrote a grant for a journalism club at my site. Well, we got our money and bought a computer with all the trimmings, a camera, and a nice printer. Now my school has the capability to be the only school in the area that can print a newspaper, and it’s only one of three schools in the oblast with such capabilities. Believe me, they’re proud of that, and I can't help being proud too. They have definitely run with the project.

Otherwise I don’t do much of anything at school. Except for the summer camp I don’t have any outstanding projects. It’s all winding down and I can’t believe it.

I knew this time would come; the time when there’s no time left and all that’s left is reflection. It’s time to come to terms with a lot. Did I really accomplish anything? Did I do my best? Can I go home satisfied with what I did here? How are people going to remember me here? Will they remember me at all? How does this all come to play in my future? What will I do with all the relationships I’ve made that are about to be subjected to a nearly insurmountable distance? How do I make the most of the hastily receding time I have left in country? All these questions and many more are swirling in my head.

Peace Corps is nothing if not sobering. I feel like I had to fight and scrape to accomplish anything that met my definition of success at my school. So accomplishing anything seems to be something to hang my hat on. But then I start working at that agricultural technical school and accomplish as much there in one day as I do at my own school in a month. It’s hard not to look at that and think I could have accomplished so much more had circumstances been different.

But I’ve really come to appreciate that small measure of success. At least I won’t leave Ukraine feeling completely defeated. There have been times where I sit and wonder if I’m really cut out for this. But I know now how to fight and endure, and I know that when everything falls into place, I can run.

I know I’ll never be satisfied with what I did here, and that’s not a bad thing. I haven’t been satisfied since my first trip to Russia when I was 16. I’ve got this itch to be here and do something about the problems, and each subsequent trip I return with more skill which lets me do more. I know I haven’t reached my full potential yet, so that means I’ll most likely keep coming back and seeing how and where else I can be useful.

As for the future, I’m going to go to grad school to study International Relations. Somehow I got into Johns Hopkins and on top of that they are sending me to their Bologna, Italy campus to spend my first year. It’s an incredible opportunity, and by specializing in Russian and Eurasian Studies I’ll be setting myself up for a career in scratching that itch. I know this opportunity would never have been possible without doing Peace Corps in Ukraine, so that, if nothing else, makes this whole experience worth it.

Only time will tell what will happen to the relationships I’ve cultivated here, whether with Ukrainians or Americans. As my past has shown, I’ll always consider them close friends, but some will stay in close touch and make the effort to get together, while others I may never see or hear from again. And those who stay close won’t necessarily be those I’d expect.

Talking about this and what I’ll do with the remaining month and a half just makes me incredibly sad. I have impossibly mixed emotions about leaving. I miss my family, friends, and home intensely, especially since the tornado struck. But this is home too, and coming back isn’t like a trip from Ringgold to Athens. I don’t know what the future holds and if I’ll ever even get back here. Right now, just the possibility of coming back is getting me through. That’s all I got. So basically I’m just trying not to think about it, thus another reason I put off blogging.

Anyways, it’s warm finally so I’m soaking up my favorite season in Ukraine. I’ll be home at the end of June. I expect to party the entire two months or so before I head off again to Italy, so get ready.

Veteranism

Having spent 22 months in Ukraine now there is one feeling in particular that stands out: I’m a veteran. We just got a huge group of newbies. I was able to spend Christmas with a lot of them and I couldn’t help but think they have a long way to go. The questions they asked and the advice they sought made me look back at the fears and concerns I had when I first arrived in the country, and then at site. I realize how much I’ve grown and developed since I’ve been here.

I came as group 36. The next group, 37, arrived the Christmas before last. I was already somewhat a vet when they arrived, but that group constitutes the majority of my friends and we have figured out Peace Corps Ukraine together. Since then, groups 38, 39, and 40 have arrived. Now I just feel old. Most of the volunteers who arrive are only a year or two younger than me, but I feel, and sometimes am perceived, to be much older. There’s just something 2 years experience in Peace Corps will do to you.

There are a lot of things new volunteers have to figure out. It starts simple: which market has the freshest food, where to find the Oreos in your town, how to negotiate the confusing bus and train system, which teachers are the easiest to work with at school. But then things start to get more complex: how to cook potatoes and buckwheat in the most possible combinations to stretch out that meager Peace Corps stipend, where to go to get taco seasoning, how to get the train station cashier to call you when a seat opens up on a booked train, how to negotiate a grant and make your teachers do a project truly American style.

You start to learn how to get through life the easiest way possible. You get a certain Peace Corps street smarts that helps you avoid difficult situations. You get desensitized and learn what’s not worth freaking out about. You also develop much better language skills which just makes everything easier, not to mention you eventually find most of the people in town who speak English.

You also learn what you need to do to take care of yourself. Whether it be a night out with friends, watching marathons of The Office, splurging on the one excuse for a steak at the store, a vacation to Egypt, or a Skype date with an old friend, there are some things you just have to do to keep sane. As volunteers in Ukraine we often get a bad rap as living the easy life of Peace Corps. But people who consider Ukraine to be Europe, or even Eastern Europe for that matter are making a mistake. Where I live in Ukraine, until relatively recently, has always been Russia, a country with its own religion, its own political system, its own traditions. Yes the West has had its influence and can be seen in daily life, but the existence of McDonalds here makes Ukraine only as western as Iraq. This culture picks and chooses what to adopt, and never fully conforms to a western mindset. The fact that the majority of the people look like white Europeans only serves as a false façade. The cultural differences are vast and complicated and easily catch you off guard. Nothing is simple. So when the divide gets overwhelming, it’s necessary to find ways to escape.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not constantly trying to create a little American haven within Ukraine. I have fully immersed myself in this culture and integrated well in my community. I feel at home here now and could see myself living here indefinitely. I’m going to miss it dearly. That’s part of being a veteran too – knowing how to balance remaining American in Ukraine. Sometimes it feels like I’m being pulled apart in two different directions: loving adventure too much to stay put in America; loving America too much to ever be fully Ukrainian. It takes reconciling the bittersweet emotions of a love for your homeland and a love for the exotic to survive in a situation like Peace Corps.